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Bits and Pieces

Lucky 7

On October 7, I turned 18 and voted in my first presidential election.

On November 7, the presidential ticket I cast my vote for won.

On December 7, I started my senior year of basketball tryouts and found out I was accepted into my dream college.

Today, on December 14, I reflect on these last few months of lucky 7’s and I am so grateful. After such a long, overwhelming, difficult year, there are some good things happening. And I can hardly stop smiling.

But.

We’re still in the midst of a worldwide pandemic. Black lives still matter and are still in jeopardy. LGBTQ rights are in danger, families are separated at the border, and the climate crisis is exactly that—a crisis. Some days I forget these things, but it is important to remind myself. I am privileged to not face these horrifying realities on a day-to-day basis. That privilege has shaped my quarantine, my year, and my entire life.

I don’t mean to sound pessimistic or bleak. On the contrary, I think my acknowledgment of the terrible things going on in the world proves that I am optimistic about Earth’s future. I have joy now and hope for later. I feel cheerful now and want everyone to feel cheerful later. I am grateful now and ready to fight for a stronger, better later.

A week ago I got into college (phew!). The work isn’t over yet, though. I know I can’t control everything or make the world’s troubles go away, but I can sure as hell try to ease some of its pain. These lucky 7’s are big steps forward on a road where I get to make the world a better place—not by reaching the end, but by doing every little thing right that I can along the way. I hope you’ll join me.

Categories
Bits and Pieces

20

20
My breath catches in a hiccup
19
My head spins
18
My heart is racing
17
Tears stain my face with shame
16
My cheeks glow red
15
The air won’t flow
14
My shoulders tense
13
My eyes are blurry
12
I’m frozen but steady
11
My heartbeat slows
10
My head stops pounding
9
The tears are almost dry
8
I can breathe again
7
I close my eyes and inhale
6
I exhale and squeeze my wrist
5
The world still spins
4
Air fills my lungs
3
I’m okay
2
I’m okay
1
I’m okay

0

Categories
Bits and Pieces

All the Hard Work

All the hard work
I put in
Over the course of the year

All the hard work
Has led to this moment
This terrifying, exhilarating moment

All the hard work
Was worth it
Because I did my very best

All the hard work
Was exhausting
But wonderfully rewarding

Although
To be honest
I feel exactly the same

As I did
Yesterday
And the day before

So thanks for nothing
AP exam
You kinda suck

Categories
Bits and Pieces

Why

Why does it hurt so much 
when I see their posts?
Why does it hurt so much
when I miss every shot?
Why does it hurt so much
when I see the letter B?
Why does it hurt so much 
when I think about all the things I could be?
All the things I’m supposed to be?

Why do I stress about a future so distant?
Why do I cry about problems so small?
Why do I fear change so insignificant?

Why?
Why am I like this?
Why do I care?
I shouldn’t care…

Should I?

Maybe I’m right.
Maybe everyone else should be asking,
“Why not?”

…maybe.

Categories
Bits and Pieces Poems

Thoughts of a Wayward Introvert

You want to be my lifeguard
But I can only breathe underwater
So I keep myself alive
By drowning in my sorrows

You say I look tired
But I’m just lost in thought
You say I look depressed
But like I said before I’m not

You act like I’m strange
Because I do things my own way
But I’m just not as cool as you
And I think that’s okay

You tell me I’m so quiet
And yes sometimes it’s true
But I’m really only quiet
When I have to talk to you

Categories
Bits and Pieces

The Ocean

I belong near the ocean.
My heart yearns for the sound of waves crashing.
My smile appears when I see those beautiful blues.
I belong near the ocean.
And although I believe in science
In facts
And in cold, hard truth
I think in another life
I may have been a mermaid.

Categories
Bits and Pieces

It’s Been a Year

I skipped into the new year
Preparing to shine on the court.
And every victory my team earned
Helped my smile grow.

A mock trial
In a real court room
Allowed my desire to become a lawyer
Blossom even more.

And then in March I resisted.
I wrote post cards,
I spoke up,
I spoke out,
I walked out.
And I walked all the way to DC
Where I marched
Alongside my family,
My peers,
And my country.

I sang with my peers on a glorious stage
In an all state choir.
And in that sea of white and black
My radiant smile shined.

The state of Virginia told me
I was ready to get my learner’s permit
And I drove for the first time,
And for many times after that.

I ran my first color run,
A 5K no less!
(And here’s thanks to the kid
Who got blue powder up my nose
Because I sneezed like a Smurf for days.)

Then I spent a summer
Crossing things off my bucket list,
Learning to bake and cook,
And having lazy pool days,
Among other adventures…

And then sophomore year rolled around
And I cut out some toxic friends,
Played some messy Twister,
And played volleyball and basketball
Because when am I not?

I saw football games
And scary movies.
I turned sixteen
And I painted my toenails for homecoming.
I watched the paint peel off,
And it peeled off slowly.

New York City and Broadway called my name;
So did the court.
I made varsity basketball
And as November came and went
I bonded with my teammates
And my friends.

Incredible travel,
Playing the game I love,
Reigniting old friendships,
Finding courage,
Falling down
And getting back up
And brushing myself off.
Daydreaming,
And creating,
And growing.
This is the year I’ve had.

It’s been a good year
And a long year.
But looking at it all
I’d take nothing back.
Not.
One.
Thing.

Categories
Bits and Pieces

Yesterday

Yesterday
Luck or fate or whatever
Was not on my side

I forgot
To get something signed
I forgot
An item of clothing
A present for my friend
A water bottle
And tennis shoes

I studied all the wrong things
For my chemistry test
I memorized all my choir music
When I didn’t have to
And for the life of me
I could not focus
In AP World History
Which happens to be the hardest class
In schools
Across the entire planet

I didn’t play
In the volleyball game
When one of my best friends decided to come
And as I sat on the bench
Cheering and shouting
I thought,
“Luck or fate or whatever
Is really not on my side today.”

But

Yesterday
My practice was canceled
And I can now go to a club meeting
That I couldn’t before
Yesterday
I found out that I get to be a lawyer
In an upcoming mock trial
When my coach inspected my grades
She saw that my lowest grade right now
Is a 95%.
I discovered that I’m okay with riding the bench
If we win
(Which we did).

I also discovered
That even if
Luck or fate or whatever
Isn’t on your side,
A bad day
Might be rough around the edges,
But it can still be
Good at its core.

Categories
Bits and Pieces

The “reputation” Stadium Tour

Hey there! It seems like it’s been a while since I’ve posted, doesn’t it? It looks like the WordPress app on my phone hasn’t actually been posting the things I’ve been trying to post for the past few weeks. So, be prepared for a stream of new (um… old) posts!

This post is from 1:00 AM this morning, after one of the best nights of my life.

A noisy, sweaty stadium
Awaits eagerly
Talking and laughing and singing
When suddenly
The lights go down
The audience holds its collective breath
No one moves
And then all at once
We all come alive

The music
The lights
It shocks me
And enthralls me
And I can’t look away
It’s so mesmerizing
And loud
And beautiful
And larger than life

And yet
She makes it seem like it’s just her and me
In a room
Talking about life and love and music
It’s not 45,000 people
It’s just her and me

And her smile makes me smile
Her laugh makes me laugh
Because she is my role model
Because she is a performer
Because she is alive and here
In the same space I am
Breathing the same air
And it’s just us

But it isn’t just us
It is 45,000 people
And she’s managed to touch the life
Of every single one of us
And that is a beautiful thing

So as I stand there
Along with the thousands of other fans and friends
I bawl my eyes out
I sing my heart out
And I remember how much music has affected me
How much her music has affected me
And how much fun it is
To scream the words to “Shake it Off”
With 44,999 other human beings

Categories
Bits and Pieces

Summer 2018

Blue skies
A soft breeze tickling my face
Freedom to do what I want
Rolling out of bed late
Relaxing with my summer playlist
Playing basketball
Leaving my blood, sweat, and heart out on the court
Playing volleyball
Learning new things about the sport and myself
Playing more basketball
Perfecting my game, my shot, my moves
Walking to lunch with a friend
Baking cookies and brownies and eating the batter
Making fruit salad and enjoying the sun
Making fruit salad and enjoying the air conditioning
Slathering on the sun screen and riding my bike
Heading to the crystal blue pool with my friends
Lounging
Loving
Living
This summer will be my best yet
I can feel it
I can sense it
I can taste it
And it tastes like cookie dough