With a menacing click, the wooden front door swung open and exposed the quaint living room inside. The small figure outlined in the doorway looked around, wary of traps or alarms. However, the house appeared completely unprotected. The young woman, clad all in black, laughed. They were fools.
She crept inside, nudging the door shut behind her. Her black ski mask failed to hide her abundance of blonde curls. As the young woman began her search, she made sure her gloves left no part of her pale hands exposed; if she wanted to succeed, she could leave no prints—and no scent—behind.
The thief yanked open drawer after drawer in the kitchen, raiding the pantry for any sign of the loot. She even stirred a spoon in each bowl of soup, for the residents might have hidden something in their lunch. After clearing the kitchen and checking the most obvious cabinets and shelves in the living room, she paused for breath.
“Think, Goldy. Lil Red said the bears like to keep their loot close by, in case of emergency.” Looking upon the cottage with fresh eyes, Goldy narrowed in on the living room’s focal point—three chairs.
The largest one, comfy and maroon-colored, revealed nothing hidden beneath its cushions. She searched every nook of the chair and massaged the fabric to check for newer stitching. Nothing. She moved on to the oak rocking chair, a skeleton compared to its plump neighbor. With no place to hide anything there and nothing taped underneath, Goldy moved on to the final chair. The small blue bean bag had a zipper on the side that opened up to expose the chair’s soft intestines.
“Bingo.” Goldy whispered as she began digging through the small white balls of styrofoam. However, after five minutes of sifting, she still found nothing hidden inside the youngest bear’s chair. Frustrated, the thief glared around the small cottage.
“Damn it. Where the hell are the drugs?” Goldy muttered, her mouth drawn into a tight snarl.
Ding dong, ding dong. Goldy jumped as a clock on the wall reminded her what little time remained. The three residents would be back from their walk any minute. Concluding that the bean bag was empty, Goldy returned the chair to its original position and pushed onward. She ascended the sturdy staircase to the second floor. As she climbed, Goldy began to pray. With so much riding on this mission, she wanted all the help she could get.
Upstairs consisted of a single bedroom. Goldy felt slightly disturbed by the lack of a bathroom until she remembered that these were bears—she hoped she wouldn’t have to inspect the backyard. Each of the three beds fit its occupant perfectly, so Goldy started with the largest bed. Papa Bear’s heavy blankets and cotton linens yielded nothing. After running her hands behind the headboard, along the mattress, and underneath the frame, Goldy moved on to Mama Bear’s bed. However, before she could crawl underneath the bed to check its underside, a loud noise made her stomach lurch; the front door had just creaked open.
After quickly tidying up Mama Bear’s bed, Goldy moved on to check the smallest bed while listening carefully to the gruff voices downstairs.
“I told you I didn’t want to go on that damn walk anyway. I knew something like this would happen.” Papa Bear’s snarl echoed throughout the house as Goldy frantically ran her hands along the final bed’s underside.
“Quit your complaining and help me get the splinter out of his paw.” Mama Bear said in a frustrated but heartfelt tone. Goldy sighed with relief; they didn’t yet know that she had broken in. She continued to comb through Baby Bear’s sheets and blankets, until…
Crunch. As she searched between the headboard and mattress, her hand found a small but heavy bag wedged there. She yanked the bag out and gave a silent cheer.
“You really thought you could hide the crushed peppermint from us?” Goldy sneered, careful to keep her voice low. She quickly remade Baby Bear’s bed and gave the room one last, sweeping look.
“Where do you think you’re going?” Mama Bear’s voice carried upstairs from the living room.
“Jesus, calm down, would ya? I’m getting the kid a bandage.”
Goldy’s heart dropped so quickly that her feet felt like cinder blocks. Papa Bear’s voice suddenly sounded ten times louder and clearly came from just outside the bedroom.
Clutching the bag of drugs to her chest, Goldy darted toward the window. She made quick work of unlocking it, but getting up and out proved much more difficult. Goldy had managed to get one leg out the small, circular window when a brusque voice rang out behind her.
“Somebody has broken into our house, and here she is still!” Papa bear roared, his muzzle dripping wet and his teeth bared. Goldy looked into the bear’s ferocious red eyes, trying to mask her fear. It didn’t work.
“I hate to miss all the fun, but I gotta go.” Goldy’s trembling voice wrecked her attempt at sangfroid. Papa Bear responded with a growl that made the house shake, and he charged forward. Goldy moved quicker than ever before, swinging her other leg over the window ledge and slipping out altogether. She fell like a ninja, landing in a bush far below.
“Motherf–” Goldy screamed, then silenced herself immediately—Mama and Baby Bear would be looking for her any second. As Goldy tried to escape she rebuked her own reconnaissance for not noticing that the bush below the window was a rose bush. Prying herself from the thorny brambles and cursing quietly, Goldy heard Papa Bear barking orders at his family.
“She’s gone out the window. Go after her!”
In mere moments, Goldy could hear the pounding of Mama and Baby Bears’ paws. She tucked the drugs safely in her pocket, then sprinted into the woods behind the house.
“Get back here, thief!” Mama Bear roared. Nevertheless, the thief looked like a black blur as she darted between trees, careful not to get tripped up over any roots or stumps. She trained for this. This was her mission, her plan, and her execution of that plan. She would not fail, could not fail now.
Despite the weeks of training and conditioning she had endured, Goldy knew that she could not outrun three bears. Luckily she planned for this too, and after several minutes of sprinting she came across her trusty sidekick: a horse, “borrowed” from one of the villagers.. Goldy untied the mare and mounted the saddle with haste.
“Hyah!” Goldy cried, taking hold of the reins. The horse neighed and shot off, putting even more distance between Goldy and the pursuing bears. As they rode, Goldy glanced repeatedly over her shoulder, but the bears were long gone. It seemed that the enormous forest and the horse’s speed disposed of Goldy’s victims for her.
Soon enough, the thick forest began to thin, and a sparkling lake appeared before the thief and her ride. Desperate for a drink but anxious to return to headquarters, Goldy did not stop. She steered the horse around the lake and up a slanted green field toward the main road. Once there, Goldy removed her mask and tried to act natural.
“Hello there, Madam Goose.” Goldy called out as she rode by the little old lady, out for her midday walk. The feeble woman barely had time to lift her hand in acknowledgement before Goldy and her stolen horse sped by. Further down the road, just outside of town, Goldy got down from her horse and tied him to a nearby fence. Any town gossip passing by would know who the mare belonged to and could return it.
“Thanks, brute.” Goldy whispered before patting the horse goodbye. The horse, furious with its kidnapping, gave a haughty neigh and turned away from the young blonde. Goldy ignored this rude gesture and proceeded into town.
The bar she searched for stood far away from the hustle and bustle of the town square; nevertheless, Goldy kept her head low as she walked, periodically checking that the drugs were still in her pocket. At long last, Goldy reached the run-down bar called The Rabbit Hole. She entered, moving silently past the midday drunks and heartbroken wives to the counter. A tall young woman with a curly black afro stood wiping down the bar. The faded nametag pinned to her shirt read “Alice.”
Goldy leaned in toward the woman and lowered her voice. “How much for a red hood?”
Alice paused her wipe down and gave Goldy a knowing look. “It’s not cheap.”
“I’m willing to pay anything.”
Alice nodded and gestured toward a rotting wood door behind the counter. Checking to make sure that no one saw, Alice pushed Goldy through and pulled the door shut.
On the other side of the door, Goldy scaled the rickety wooden staircase, following the sound of faint voices coming from upstairs. She pulled out the small bag of drugs and held it tightly. As she moved slowly up the staircase—she still felt sore from the rose bush—Goldy practiced what she would say upon entry. When she finally reached the top of the steps, she strolled through the open doorway with an air of dignity.
The room was large, with one grimy window and a dozen lamps scattered throughout. Bookcases home to dusty inhabitants lined the walls, and a large group of women sat scattered about on various poufs and couches. The women continued to babble, unaware that a newcomer had arrived. Slightly disappointed in this lackluster welcome, Goldy cleared her throat. Half a dozen heads turned instantly, their faces delighted but anxious.
“I got them. I got the drugs.”
Everyone began to speak at once.
“No you didn’t.”
“There’s no way.”
“The bag’s right there in her hands!”
“How did she survive?”
Although the voices swirled about the room as ferociously as Papa Bear could roar, Goldy focused on only one face. Directly across the room, Lil Red leaned against a bookcase casually. The hood of her scarlet cape hid her eyes from Goldy’s intense gaze. Goldy anxiously awaited the woman’s verdict.
“Where were they hidden?” Ella asked from her spot on the floor, oblivious to where Goldy’s attention lay. Ella’s blonde bun balanced precariously atop her head, and Goldy noticed a large bandage on her foot.
“They were in Baby Bear’s bed. What happened to your foot?”
“Broken glass. I’ll explain more if–” Ella cut off, sneaking a glance over at Lil Red. Ella lowered her voice and finished, “–if you’re in.”
“Is that little bag all they had?” Gretel interjected in a whiny tone.
“Why do you care? It’s not like you’re getting a cut.” Goldy spat at the little girl. Even though Goldy wasn’t an official member, she knew Gretel had been suspended from the group.
“I was just asking, Goldy. Jesus.”
“Yeah, Goldy, give the kid a break. She barely escaped arrest for Hansel’s murder and has to lay low until the charges dissapear. She’s had a hard few weeks.” Rapunzel retorted while rubbing Gretel on the arm. This statement sparked a lively debate on the consequences of Gretel’s actions, and every woman’s voice began to rise in protest.
“Will you lot shut up?” roared a commanding voice. The group ceased their bickering and all eyes turned to the hooded figure in the corner. Slowly and quietly, their leader lowered her hood and glared around at each of them.
“This can’t be good.” Wendy declared, not bothering to whisper. Everyone, including Lil red, ignored her, knowing that Wendy was high on pixie dust per usual. Suddenly, Lil Red strode across the room right up to Goldy. Although Goldy felt the sweat dripping down her neck, she refused to shrink or back away.
After a moment of intense eye contact and held breath, Lil Red’s face split into a grin. She stretched out her hand, and the warmth of Lil Red’s touch took Goldy by surprise. As they shook, Lil Red spoke once more in her booming voice.
“Welcome to the gang, Goldilocks.”